Understanding how numbers can unlock the secrets to a perfect memory: how to use a grid pattern and numbers to memorize anything you want.

Hello again, dear reader. During yesterday's discussion, we pontificate on the science behind folklore-ish weather Proverbs, and how those core cute little sayings of your grandfathers and grandmothers having to do with rainbows and white clouds or geese and rainstorms can actually be fairly accurate. While being able to predict the weather with a nursery rhyme is not exactly what I would consider to be a quality life skill. However, it is rather fun and entertaining. So for today's discussion, I thought we could combine the two dear reader, and discuss something that is both entertaining but also a useful life skill. One of the most common things the average person has trouble with every day is a memory, things like forgetting where they put their car keys or their grocery lists or in the name of the new business acquaintance, they met a few days ago that I need to remember important detail is not only useful social skill, but can also be very important in a technical situation as well be ability to memorize. One's surroundings can greatly enhance situational awareness skills. The memorization method, we are about to discuss in today's conversation is one of the most effective ways that I have found to remember important detail (next to Sherlock Holmes and his mind Castle of course. But some people prefer numbers to images or a combination of both) thanks to a physical disability. I have severe trouble writing with a traditional pen or pencil and paper. So when I was growing up anything from homework assignments to doctor’s appointments, and everything in between had to be memorized. If I couldn't find someone to help me write them down (although the invention of the voice-activated smart phone and a notepad app has made my life considerably easier). I worked very hard to develop a quality memorization technique based principally on the one created by Ron White. A world memorization champion and it is this technique that I'm going to share with you dear reader, in the hopes that by the end of today's discussion, you will be able to at least marginally improve your memory in the eye for detail...


What if you could play a game of cards with your buddies and recall every card that had been played? You can.
What if you could meet a business associate today and six months later see him at a football game and recall his name along with his wife’s and kids’ names? You can.
What if you could look at a 50 digit number for 90 seconds and then repeat the number forwards and backwards from memory? You can.
So how do you master your memory to this level? By utilizing a simple system of mental maps, you will be amazed at the amount of knowledge you will be able to store.
Here’s how to begin:

1. Select 5 rooms in your home or office.
2. In each room, number 5 large items. Number these items 1-25. The first item in the first room is #1, the first item in the second room is #6, the first item in the third room is #11, and so on. For example: Bedroom–1. desk, 2. bed, 3. tv, 4. dresser, 5. computer…Bathroom-6. toilet  7. window, 8. shower, 9. sink, 10. towel rack…etc. Remember, this is just an example.You want to select the pieces of furniture in the way they flow around your particular room.
3. Practice saying these pieces of furniture and their corresponding numbers over and over until it becomes second nature to say them forwards or backwards. We will refer to these pieces of furniture as “files.”
4. Now whenever you wish you to recall something, turn it into a picture and imagine it interacting with this piece of furniture.

Let’s say that you want to memorize all the Super Bowl winners. Once you have your files (the pieces of furniture) memorized, the next item of business is to turn whatever you wish to recall into a picture.
So you would be looking at a list that looks like this:

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Green Bay Packers
3. New York Jets
4. Kansas City Chiefs
5. Baltimore Colts
6. Dallas Cowboys
7. Miami Dolphins
8. Miami Dolphins
9. Pittsburgh Steelers
10. Pittsburgh Steelers

In order to remember anything, it must be an image that you can imagine. For example, if you wanted to recall the number 593787, it might be tough to recall. But a photo album with a coffee cup in it would be easy to remember. That is my picture for 593787. For now, lets address turning the football teams into pictures, a much simpler task that turning 593787 into an image.
What could you picture for the Green Bay Packers? Perhaps packaging. Coming up with an image for the Jets is easy–just picture an airplane jet. For the Chiefs, you would picture an Indian chief. The Colts would be a horse and the Cowboys a cowboy. This is pretty simple actually when you’re dealing with teams.
Now this is where it gets fun. Take each of these images and place them mentally around your 25 files in chronological order. For example, since the Packers won the first Super Bowl, imagine someone packaging a box on your number one file. To use the example above, you would picture someone packaging a box on top of your desk. The more action/emotion you can put into this image, the better chances you will recall it later. On your number two file, or your bed, you would also see packaging. On your number three file, you would imagine a jet landing or crashing into your tv. For your fourth file, you could imagine an Indian chief sitting on your dresser.
To memorize all the Super Bowl winners, you will need at least 45 files, but that is easy enough to mentally construct by simply selecting more rooms in your home (or other buildings and selecting 5 items in each). Because you are placing 5 files in each room, you should be able to memorize the numbers of your files rapidly.
The rationalization of 5 in a room, is that if you want to know what the 15^th Superbowl winner was, it might take a minute to figure it out if you had 4 files in one room, 6 in another, and 9 in another. However, if there are 5 in a room, it is very easy. All you need to do is mentally jump to the 15^th file in your home, or the last item in your third room, and you will see it getting raided by bandits, and this tells you the Oakland Raiders won Super Bowl 15.
Now whenever you wish to remember the whole list of teams, you simply mentally walk through your house, and imagine yourself looking at each piece of furniture–and its corresponding team–as you go from room to room.
This system can be used to memorize anything from 50 digit numbers, business presentations, chapters of books, college homework, product knowledge, or even sports team champions.

As always, dear reader, thanks for listening and there will be more to come soon.

Using folk wisdom to predict the weather: 22 weather proverbs that are actually true!

Hello again, dear reader. During the conversation, we pontificated on and discussed the importance of noticing and dealing with "relationship red flags" before they become a serious emotional and physical drain on your relationship. During the course of this research, I became inspired and started thinking about other signs and signals that we are sent on a regular basis. That can help signify that a change is coming. So for today's discussion, I thought we would keep things on a much lighter and fun note, and discussed the 22 weather proverbs that are actually true!! You know those old sayings that your grandmother or grandfather would say things like "if a goose honks high fair weather, if a goose honks low foul weather." So hopefully the reader by the end of today's conversation, you will not only have more respect for your grandmother or grandfather's meteorological skills, but you will have at least a cursory knowledge of the science behind these quaint little sayings.

When you really think about it, the weather impacts our decisions every single day. What we wear, when we leave for our morning commute, the chores we do, the hobbies we partake in, the family activities we plan. And on and on the list goes on, how our lives are influenced by the winds and skies.
Today, we have meteorologists and entire government agencies dedicated to predicting the weather with high-tech computers and algorithms, but a hundred and two-hundred years ago (and more!), folks had to rely mostly on observation and rudimentary tools to predict the weather of the coming days.
To help with this task of predicting the weather, farmers, sailors, and amateur meteorologists of all kinds came up with handy, often rhyming proverbs that could guide their observations. They realized that animal behavior, wind direction, air pressure (which could be measured with a barometer), etc., were pretty accurate indicators of how the weather would behave.
Perhaps surprisingly, most of this handed-down “folk wisdom” is really quite accurate, and has a lot of science behind it; weather proverbs of old can be applied today just as well as they were centuries ago. Rather than relying on your local meteorologist or your smartphone app to tell you what to wear for the day, why not work on your powers of observation and come to understand more about the weather and the natural world around you?

1. “If the goose honks high, fair weather.
If the goose honks low, foul weather.”

This proverb has nothing to do with the pitch of a goose’s honk, but rather the altitude of its flight. If the goose “honks high” — or is flying at high altitude, it’s an indication of high barometric pressure, and therefore good weather. If it’s flying lower in the sky, barometric pressure is low, and poor weather is foretold. This is because geese are incredibly adept at flying with optimum air density. When air pressure is high, that optimum level is high in the sky, and the reverse is true for low pressure.
So, if geese are flying their V formations high up, get that picnic ready.

2. “When pipes smell stronger,
It’s going to rain.”

To understand this proverb, we need to go to the molecular level. In dry air, aromatic or “smell” molecules (those that carry scent to our noses) are “naked” — they are floating around in the air on their own. In moist, humid air, water molecules attach to the aromatic molecules, and the scent becomes hydrated. This allows those smell molecules to better attach themselves to the moist surfaces of your nose, which makes their particular scent stronger.
When the air is moist like this, humidity is increasing, making rain more likely. So if your tobacco pipe has a stronger smell than usual, you might predict that poor weather is on its way. The same effect can be noted with lovely-smelling flowers (“Flowers smell best just before a rain”) and also offending manure fields and ponds (“Manure smells stronger before a rain” and “When ditches and ponds offend the nose, Look for rains and stormy blows”).

3. “If spiders are many and spinning their webs,
The spell will soon be very dry.”

Spider webs are incredibly sensitive to moisture in the air. When humidity is high, their webs can absorb that water, making them heavy to the point of sometimes even breaking. Spiders are aware of this, so when they sense high humidity, they are most apt to stay in their hiding places. For humans, this is a sign that rain/poor weather is on its way. When they sense dry air (a sign of good weather), they’ll come out and spin their webs freely, knowing they have a few days of happy hunting.

4. “Red sky at night,
Sailor’s delight;
Red sky in morning,
Sailor’s warning.”

While this weather proverb (and its many variants) is probably the most well known in our culture, its truth is a little more complicated than is typically understood. This is because the proverb isn’t actually specific enough for us to accurately predict the weather.
A red sky at night can indeed mean fair weather, but particularly if the red appears in the eastern sky. A red night sky in the east likely means that the light of the setting sun is passing through the low atmosphere and reflecting off clouds. If this is the case, it’s possible that rain has already passed, and you’re in the clear.
A red western sky at night can mean a couple things, depending on the shade of red. A more pinkish hue can portend clear, fair weather, but a deep red sky at night to the west can mean that moisture is collecting in the air, and a storm system is forming.
The “red sky in morning” half of the proverb can be equally vexing.
Beyond just the atmospheric explanations, pollution and other unnatural particles in the air can drastically affect the color of the sky in all directions and all times of day.
So while you’ll find quick answers and explanations to the proverb online, a red sky can ultimately mean different things based on a variety of factors, both natural and not-so-natural. While it’s a quippy proverb, the others on this list will better help you predict the weather in the coming days.

5. “When dew is on the grass,
Rain will never come to pass.”

Dew forms when grass gets colder than the dew-point temperature (the temp at which dew forms). At night, grass cools when heat from the ground radiates upward. In a clear, dry atmosphere, this heat escapes the atmosphere and rises into outer space.
In a moist and humid atmosphere, water vapor absorbs some of that heat and can redirect it back down to the ground, warming up the grass, and thus keeping it dew free.
Dew on the grass is therefore a sign of a high pressure system, and good weather.

6. “Doors and drawers stick before a rain.”

Doors that stick in the frame upon opening or that are troublesome to close are indicators of high humidity, portending rain. There is a lengthy biological — specifically dendrological (the study of trees) — explanation for this, but for our purposes, just know that wood expands when the air humidifies. Humidity is a sign of low pressure and incoming poor weather, so when doors stick, look for showers.

7. “Frogs croaking in the lagoon,
Means rain will come real soon.”

As cold-blooded amphibians, frogs require moist skin and relatively high temperatures to be active. This means that their croaking implies that both temps and humidity are high (the water in the air keeps their skin moist). High humidity, as we’ve learned, is a sign of incoming rain.

8. “When clouds appear
Like rocks and towers,
The Earth’s refreshed
With frequent showers.”

This proverb references the foreboding visual characteristics of storm clouds — known as cumulonimbus clouds. These towering behemoths reach up to 75,000 feet in the sky, and before turning anvil-like, they appear as rocks being stacked upon each other. So when rocks and towers appear in the sky, expect storms.

9. “Mackerel skies and mares’ tails
Make tall ships carry low sails.”

“Mackerel” in this proverb is referring to altocumulus clouds, while “mares’ tails” is referring to cirrus clouds. Seeing these in the sky can mean a low pressure system is coming. In the immediate future (24 hours or so), you’ll see good weather. But the mackerels and mares’ tails are the first visible signs of an approaching warm front, which provides the ingredients for storms. As the system rolls in, the clouds will become thicker and thicker until the rain starts to fall.
So when a ship would see these signs, they’d lower the sails and batten down the hatches in preparation of incoming bad weather.

10. “A ring around the sun or moon,
Means that rain will come real soon.”

A ring around the sun or moon is caused by light from those bodies (light doesn’t come from the moon, but you get my drift…) passing through ice crystals in the upper atmosphere. These ice crystals have either been blown over the tops of high, approaching storm clouds, or from high cirrus clouds, which as we just learned, can be the first indication of an incoming low pressure system. So when you see a ring, prepare for precipitation.

11. “Rainbow in the morning
Sailor’s warning;
Rainbow at night
Sailor’s delight.”

This proverb is similar to the “Red sky at night…” one, but rather than looking at the sky as a whole, you’re focusing on a unique weather phenomenon: the rainbow. Since rainbows are always on the opposite side of us from the sun, they appear in the west in the morning, and the east in the evening. A rainbow will always be in the location of rain, so a morning rainbow means precipitation in the west (likely approaching your location), and an evening rainbow means precipitation in the east (likely heading away from your location). Since fair weather often follows a rain shower, night rainbows delight sailors.

12. “When the ass begins to bray,
Surely rain will come that day.”

Advancing rain and storm systems are often first indicated by falling air pressure. Low pressure has been shown to make animals of all varieties more irritable and active. Dogs bark more, frogs croak, birds chirp, etc. The science is murky, but prevailing theories are that changes in air pressure are felt acutely by animals; humans sometimes feel cranky and out of sorts when a low pressure system blows in too, but an unstable atmosphere in general is better detected by our four-legged friends. So when the ass brays, and other creatures get a little feistier, know that poor weather may be coming.

13. “If the new moon holds the old moon in her lap, fair weather.”

Most of the time, it’s difficult to see the dark part of the moon during its new and crescent phases. This is because the air has a general state of turbulence — all kinds of molecules and particles banging into each other. In low pressure, poor weather systems, this is even more the case. During high pressure, fair weather systems though, the atmosphere clears up more than usual, and dim objects are easier seen by the human eye.
So, if you can see the dark part of the moon (that’s the meaning of the cryptic proverb), it means a high pressure system is making its way in, and you can expect good weather.

14. “When the wind is in the east,
It’s good for neither man nor beast.
When the wind is in the north,
The old folk should not venture forth.
When the wind is in the south,
It blows the bait in the fishes’ mouth.
When the wind is in the west,
It is of all the winds the best.”

The general direction of the wind can be a great indicator of the type of weather moving in to your area. An easterly wind (meaning the wind is coming from the east, and blowing towards the west) means an approaching low pressure system, and poor weather. The barometer falls, which as we learned above, is good for neither man nor beast. A north wind brings the cold chill of the northern environs, a south wind brings warm (but humid) conditions, and western winds bring the fairest weather of all — mild temperatures and dry air.

15. “If the clouds move against the wind,
Rain will follow.”

When clouds are moving against the direction of the wind, it is often because of a phenomenon called wind shear, in which wind direction is different in the lower parts vs. upper parts of the atmosphere. This creates an unstable atmosphere, leading to rain and storms. In extreme scenarios, this is how hurricanes are formed.

16. “Rain before seven,
Clear before eleven.”

This proverb is actually more related to fog than rain, but it makes a handy little saying. The most common type of fog is called radiation fog, which occurs on clear, atmospherically stable nights. As we learned with the proverb about dew, heat from the ground radiates to outer space, cooling the ground to the dew-point temperature. This creates drew. As it cools even more, condensation is formed in the air through a process known as heat conduction. This occurrence is almost exclusively a nighttime and very early morning phenomenon.
In some cases, if the air has some turbulence, the fog can thicken and even produce rain. This isn’t rain from a low pressure system, though, meaning the vapor will soon be spent, and the rain will not last long. Hence, if there is rain early in the morning (before seven), it’s likely to clear off by lunchtime.
Note that this is only accurate for this type of fog-related shower. If it’s a true low pressure system, the rule does not apply.

17. “The sharper the blast
The sooner ‘tis past.”

When a storm builds rapidly, it’s often stronger and faster than when a storm builds gradually. A strong thunderstorm has an average speed of about 30 miles per hour, meaning it will generally only last a few hours. A gentle rain shower, though, can travel at a fraction of that speed, and can last for a few days.

18. “The ash before the oak
Choke, choke, choke,
The oak before the ash
Splash, splash, splash.”

This proverb is more of a long-range predictor than the others in this list. The “ash before the oak” refers to budding; the “splash” refers to wet weather. If ash trees bud before oak trees, expect a drier summer; if the reverse, expect a wetter summer.
The timing of when trees bud is related to the moisture content of the soil. A dry fall and winter means little moisture in the topsoil, but there could still be moisture deeper within. A wet fall and winter means a moist topsoil, which leads to a quick budding for ash trees because of their shallow root system. If previous seasons have been dry, an oak’s deep root system will tap into the deeper parts of the soil, and bud before the ash.
How does this relate to a long-term weather prediction? It’s based on the simple theory of mother nature trying to maintain balance and average precipitation. Dry seasons are generally followed by wet seasons, and vice versa.

19. “When your joints all start to ache,
Rainy weather is at stake.”

This proverb is related to the one above about the ass braying, but is more directly pointing to joint pain in humans. Did you have an old uncle whose bad knee could predict a storm? While there has been more research done on how weather affects humans than there has been on animals, it’s all still just theory.
The hypothesis that is most supported by the scientific community is that low pressure (meaning less force on your body/joints) allows tissue to expand, which can put pressure on your joints. So when your bum knee aches a little more for seemingly no reason, look to the skies and prepare for rain in the next day or so.

20. “When the glass falls low,
Prepare for a blow;
When the glass is high,
Let your kites fly.”

This is a simple proverb about watching and reading barometric pressure. In the early days of this weather gauge, it was called a “glass” (because a glass tube housed the mercury). When the “glass” is low — that is, when the mercury is low, meaning low pressure — you can expect rain and generally poor weather. When the mercury is high, a high pressure system is in (or coming in), and fair weather can be enjoyed.

21. “The moon, her face be red,
Of water she speaks.”

The color of the moon — particularly when it’s full and rising — can be an indicator of incoming weather systems. In a dry atmosphere (indicating good weather), the moon is seen as white. When the atmosphere begins to collect moisture, molecules in the air scatter light differently than in a dry atmosphere, and the moon appears redder.
This moisture that is making the moon look red can be a sign of rising humidity, meaning coming rain showers.

22. “Long foretold, long last
Short notice, soon passed.”

A weather system with gradual changes is more likely to stick around for a while than a weather system that moves and changes quickly. A shower or storm that only lasts a few minutes or hours is the result of dramatic changes in air pressure and temperature, which aren’t able to be forecasted with any real accuracy. If pressure and temperature changes happen slowly, however, it’s very likely that the weather system will stick around longer. These are also far more likely to be accurately predicted by meteorologists; slow-moving systems with gradual changes are obviously easier to read.

As always, dear reader, thanks for listening, and there will be more to come soon.

Learning relationship, semaphore: how to spot the 14 red flags that signal a toxic relationship.

Hello again, dear reader, in a previous conversation, we pontificated about questions. You probably shouldn't ask because you probably won't like the answers. When trying to start a conversation with someone else staying in that same vein for today's conversation. I thought we would discuss "relationship red flags" 14 of them to be precise. You know the little things that tend to signal that a relationship is not my work out or that a particular person is not the right person for you or your friend to be with. I got the idea for today's conversation, while talking to a buddy about how to make small talk and a good first impression (because of course he saw the blog) and one thing led to another. And we started talking about relationships, and he was saying how none of his ever seem to work out. And I said something to the effect of "that's because you never seem to pay attention to the red flags" he wanted to know what I meant by that, so I told him that there are usually "signals" or "flags" that people send out when trying to establish a relationship that can either identify a good relationship or a bad relationship. Problem with the "red flags" is that most people tend not to notice them right away or at least until it's too late, because they are enthralled with the idea and potential of the relationship rather than the reality of it.

So after having a conversation about the "red flags" in a relationship with my buddy in making sure he understood what to look for in future relationships so that he could add to his mental EDC preparedness kit. I decided to do a bit more research so I could explain the relationship. Red flags in better detail to you dear reader, so hopefully by the end of this conversation, you will understand how to spot these flags before they make the relationship extremely toxic. For both people concerned...

You’ve probably had a friend who started dating a woman that really made you scratch your head. She was flaky, possessive, and high-drama. Everyone could see that the gal was toxic and really bringing your buddy down…everyone, that is, except your buddy.
You tell yourself, “That would never happen to me.”
But then it does.
What gives? How do people end up in unhealthy relationships despite warning signs that their partner was bad news to begin with?
Answer: we’re blinded by love.
Seriously.
Using MRI machines, researchers at the University College London found that “feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. It seems that once we get close to a person, the brain decides the need to assess their character and personality is reduced.”
Not only does romantic love suppress our critical thinking, but feel-good chemicals and hormones like oxytocin and dopamine cloud our judgment even more. Love truly gives us a drug-like “high,” and it feels so good that we simply ignore the red flags waving right before us. If by chance you do take notice of a gal’s negative behavior or attitude, you’re likely to minimize it, writing it off as a cute quirk, or telling yourself, “Oh, it’s not that bad. Besides, maybe I can be the guy to help her improve.”
Don’t fool yourself.  You can’t force your partner to change; the change has to come from within. Also, problems that you notice at the beginning of a relationship tend to amplify themselves as the relationship deepens. Or as marriage expert Dr. John Van Epp says in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk, “The good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.”
“Well,” you say, “I’m a manly man, dammit. I don’t let my emotions get the best of me in a relationship. I always think rationally.”
Hold on there, chief. Some research actually indicates that men, particularly men in their mid-twenties, “typically fall in love faster than women and are the first to take the lead in saying words of love in the initial stages of the relationship.” Women, on the other hand, are generally more apprehensive in the beginning stages of a relationship. In other words, just because you’re a dude, doesn’t mean you’re not susceptible to love blindness.
Knowing that your judgment is clouded, it’s important to enter any serious relationship with both your head and your heart. You need be able to distance yourself from the powerful emotions you’re likely feeling in a new relationship so that you can notice any red flags that might indicate that you’re destined for a relationship from hell. This is doubly important if you’re considering marriage.
But what sort of red flags should you be on the lookout for? While every man has his own personal relationship red flags or deal breakers, psychologists and marriage experts have found there are a few general red flags you should be aware of. Most of these are patterns of behavior in your partner that will likely (not definitely) result in a troubled relationship down the road.
Because people are usually on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship, some of these red flags won’t appear for awhile. According to Dr. Van Epp, it’s usually around the three-month mark that deep-seated patterns start to manifest themselves. This delay is why he and other relationship experts recommend that you take romantic relationships nice and slow.

1. She’s a self-proclaimed “Drama Queen.” Beware of women who not only proclaim themselves to be Drama Queens, but also revel in the role. Drama Queens often swing from one emotional extreme to another; when life seems a little boring or flat, they’ll go out of their way to stir up a controversy. They’re often impulsive and demand to be the center of attention all the time. What’s interesting is that Drama Queendom isn’t just a character defect, it could actually be a psychological disorder called “histrionic personality disorder.” Who knew?

Drama Queens can be very alluring and attractive in the beginning of the relationship because of their seemingly outgoing and often seductive personalities. But the shtick gets old after a while and constant drama in a long-term relationship just makes people miserable.
2. You can’t stand any of her friends. You don’t need to be “besties” with her friends, but if the thought of spending an hour with one of them makes you want to jump in front of speeding traffic, then you might have reason to be concerned about your relationship with your gal. There’s wisdom in the old adage, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Your significant other likely has a lot in common with her friends — similar interests, temperaments, and beliefs. Because you’re not in love with her friends, you’re more likely to notice their annoyingly grating behaviors and attitudes. But because you’re infatuated with your gal, you’re likely ignoring or overlooking these same behaviors and attitudes coming from her.
Thus, if you can’t stand being around her friends now, there’s a chance you’ll feel the same way about your partner later. Don’t be surprised if your girlfriend is just like her annoying friend after the “Fog of Love” dissipates.
3. She says ALL her exes are jerks. There’s a possibility that every man she’s ever dated was indeed a jerk. If that’s the case, what does that say about her judgment, and what is it about her personality that draws her to losers? And that also means you’re probably a jerk too, as people tend to follow the same scripts and patterns across relationships.
The more likely scenario is that some — but not all — of her exes were jerks and she’s downplaying her role in the relationships going sour. This scenario is just as troublesome – as it shows a lack of self-awareness and an unwillingness to take responsibility. We all know folks who got fired from a job, received a bad grade, or got dumped because their boss was jealous, their professor was out to get them, and their girlfriend was nuts. It’s never their fault. Avoid relationships with this type of person like the plague.
4. She’s a flake. We all know that trust is an important aspect of a strong, healthy relationship, and it’s hard to trust someone who flakes out on you all the time. Watch to see if your gal follows through on her commitments in all aspects of her life. If she’s a flake with her employer, friends, and family, chances are she’s going to be a flake with you.
5. She treats waiters like crap. You can glean important information about a person from the way they treat strangers, especially those in a “server” role like a waiter, barista, or bank clerk. Psychologists have found that the way an individual treats strangers is often an indication of that person’s empathy, social conscience, and maturity of moral thinking — the same attributes that marriage and relationship researchers have found to be essential for healthy relationships.
6. She expects to be treated like a princess. When one person comes into a relationship with a sense of entitlement and expectation that his or her needs should always come before the other person’s, resentment, contempt, and anger are usually the results. Be on the lookout for subtle and overt clues that your partner has the “princess” mentality. (Hint: She has the word “Princess” stitched on the butt of her sweatpants.)
7. You argue all. the. time. There’s nothing wrong with conflict in a relationship. It’s completely normal, and in fact healthy at times. But if all you do is argue, then there’s a problem. Researchers have found that for a relationship to be happy, the ratio of positive to negative interactions needs to be 5:1. If your ratio is inverted, you’re going to be miserable. And don’t try to convince yourself that once you get more serious, things will get better. The first couple years are the honeymoon period! If things are already bad in the early stages of a relationship, you’re in big trouble.
8. She gets angry or guilts you when you want to spend time with your friends. We’ve talked a lot on the site about how important it is for men to spend time with their man friends — iron sharpens iron and all that. Unfortunately, some women don’t understand this and bust their boyfriend’s balls any time they want to go spend time with their buds – or they insist on always coming along to your formerly all-guy outings. A good woman will actually encourage you to spend time with the guys, understanding that it’s good for your overall well-being, which is ultimately good for your relationship too.
9. She never apologizes or takes responsibility for bad behavior. Psychologists call the ability to recognize and take responsibility for bad behavior conscientiousness, and it’s an important attribute in maintaining a healthy relationship.
“What you want to see is a partner who quickly admits to wrong because the feelings of guilt register without much defensiveness or denial. Long arguments where you have to convince your partner that he or she was wrong or should feel guilty are a definite reason to worry,” says Van Epp.
10. She has a bad relationship with her family. As the relationship gets more serious, you’ll likely meet her parents and family. Watch how she interacts with them. Her comfort level with her family will often lead to her putting down her guard and showing her true colors. Patterns or scripts that your partner uses in one set of relationships will most likely be introduced into your relationship (Van Epp). If she gets along great with her family, great! You’ll likely experience the same in your relationship. However, if she’s cold and distant with her family, tread carefully. You might experience the same kind of hostility later.
Of course, there are cases where the apple truly does fall far from the tree. If her family is nuts or abusive, her distance is understandable and likely a good thing.
11. She’s not flexible. Marriage and relationship experts have found that flexibility — the ability to go with the flow and adapt to changing circumstances — is an important attribute for relationship success. If your girlfriend is never willing to compromise or gets frazzled when plans change or things aren’t exactly the way she wants them, there could be problems with your relationship down the line.
How do you know if your gal is the roll-with-the-punches type? Go on vacation together – ideally to a third-world country where things will invariably not go as planned. Or, just as good, take her camping. She refuses to go camping – even once? That’s a big red flag in itself – at least in my book.
12. You don’t share any core values or life goals. It doesn’t matter how much you love each other, if you and your gal aren’t on the same page when it comes to things like values or life goals, things are going to be rocky. Research backs this up — couples who share many of the same values and life goals are happier and have stronger relationships than couples who don’t.
13. She’s violent. Did you know that women are at least as likely, sometimes even more likely, than men to initiate domestic violence? Sure, her punches may not hurt you, but if your girlfriend gets violent when you argue, that should be a bright red flag that you need to end the relationship. There’s some underlying emotional issues there, and if she did it before, she’ll likely do it again. Don’t shrug it off – slapping can escalate into the use of weapons.
14. She’s stingy with the appreciation. Feelings of appreciation keep a relationship strong and running smoothly. One of the things I love about Kate is no matter how many times I’ve done a run-of-the-mill chore or how small a favor, she always remembers to take notice and share her appreciation. If your girlfriend rarely notices and thanks you for the nice things you do, such stinginess will eventually run your ship of love onto the rocks.

As always, dear reader, thanks for listening, and there will be more to come soon.