Hello again dear reader,
I was talking to a group of friends the other day. Not about anything specific, you know, just sort of meandering around how our lives were going and other topics. When one of my friends mentioned that they were having trouble with a coworker and weren't exactly sure how to handle it. My other friend suggested, That old epigram that everyone seems to know, but scarcely any people, can I actually put into practice semicolon you probably know what I'm going to say right now dear reader? “Just kill them with kindness.” Everyone says this, like it's an instant fix, for solving a conflict with another person. Kind of like it's an ancient art developed by cloistered monks on a Himalayan Mountain Top somewhere, over centuries, these monks have developed the mystical art of killing people with kindness. Unfortunately for humanity, conflict resolution cannot be boiled down to a simple phrase that will make everything instantly all better. However, that being said, over the years I have noticed that there is somewhat of an art to conflict resolution. As a matter of fact, my friend with the problem, with, their coworker looked at me and said” You're pretty good at dealing with conflict, do you have any advice? For some strange reason, people automatically assume that because I'm disabled (Probably because they don't think I can physically fight, but that's another story) I must be good at conflict resolution because I can get along with countless people.
While it is true, as a disabled person, I have developed a certain Skill with and understanding of conflict resolution because I do have to be able to get along with just about anyone; at least for a short period of time. Because you never know who you might have to ask for help. When you need it as a person with a severe disability. So for today's article dear reader. I thought we would discuss The ancient and deadly art of killing someone with kindness; At least my personal understanding of what that means, and how to resolve a conflict with someone, so that the resolution of the conflict is peaceful and everyone walks away feeling appreciated listened to and understood. Hopefully, by the end of this article, dear reader, you will at least have a more profound understanding of what killing someone with kindness means.
When we think of conflict resolution, we often think of aggression and violence. However, there is another way to approach conflict that is just as effective, if not more so: kindness. Killing with kindness may sound contradictory, but it is a powerful approach that can change lives and ripple out across communities and countries.
What is Kindness?
Kindness is treating everyone in a friendly way, despite your emotional reaction to them. It means doing something for somebody because you genuinely want them to benefit from this action, even if you won't benefit at all from it. In conflict terms, kindness is not a weakness. It is showing the other person that you are not a threat and there is no need to act aggressively or violently.
How to Implement Kindness in Conflict Resolution
Know Yourself
Before being able to act kindly to your enemy, you need to recognize what triggers your emotional responses. Once you become aware of them, you have emotional options. You can stand back from your feelings and choose how you wish to respond. Remembering that the other person might simply be having a bad day, or it may just be your perception of what’s going on that is the problem and not their behavior.
Is This The Appropriate Response?
Sometimes kindness means allowing the person you conflict with to continue behaving as they are. This is particularly the case if their behavior may irritate you but has no real detrimental effect on you or your interests. However, if you need to physically defend yourself from harm, a gesture of kindness may not protect you.
Kindness Can Be Creative
Communicating constructively, acknowledging the emotions of the other person, and expressing a will to cooperate are all active ways of being kind to the person you conflict with. There are hundreds of ways that you can demonstrate that you are not a threat to the other side. A smile is a great starting point, as is open body language, a gentle tone of voice, and a willingness to listen.
Be Sincere
Kindness is not a technique to manipulate the emotions of the other person. It is genuinely meant to show the other person that there is no need for conflict, that you are capable of working things out in a reasonable and trustworthy way. If it appears to be manipulative or disingenuous, prepare for trust to be shattered and relationships to be badly damaged.
Don’t Worry If It Doesn’t Work
As with all strategies, it may not work. Kindness is a great strength in this context, but it is sometimes seen as a weakness. If you feel that the other person has interpreted it in this way, then reconsider what you are doing and how you are communicating it. Assertive communication allows you to show that you have boundaries that must not be disrespected but that you can also act with kindness. The great thing about this approach is that extending kindness to other benefits you too, irrespective of how the other reacts. It’s a less stressful, less toxic, and less damaging way to relate to others.
As always, dear reader, I thank you for the gift of your valuable time. If you like what you're reading on my blog, please feel free to share them with whomever you deem worthy.
Editor's note: I am not, a trained psychologist, psychiatrist, or mental health care professional in any way shape or form. The advice offered within this article, is strictly based on my experience throughout my life dealing with conflict, and is only meant as learning material. Follow my advice, if you wish, but please do so with a grain of salt.
