Learning to embrace life's guilty pleasures and become comfortable in your own skin

Hello again, dear reader. For a while, now we have been pontificating in a roundabout way, about how to be the best person we can possibly be. By discussing all of the necessary qualities to do the job such as how to be the leader, how to listen to other people how to read their body language, how to maintain a positive self-image, and many other important aspects of life, however, recently during the course of a very interesting conversation with a very intelligent person. The idea of "guilty pleasures" was brought up, and then got me thinking about how things that are perceived as "guilty pleasures." Can have an impact on someone's life, I am generally not the kind of person who likes the term "guilty pleasures." Simply because it implies that they are something to be ashamed or make people less than normal. I personally believe that if someone is feeling guilty about something such as a favorite TV show or hobby or lifestyle choice. It is most probably because they aren't yet entirely comfortable in their own skin and have placed too much importance on society's perception of themselves however that being said, my definition of a "guilty pleasure." Is one man may be outside the bounds of "normal society," but does not impact someone else's right to exist as they choose in a negative fashion. This discussion is intended to help individuals embrace their guilty pleasures and recognize them as a part of their personality and who they are, so that they may eventually learn how to become entirely comfortable in their own skin...

"Who am I?” is the universal question most often asked. It begins in adolescence and persists through life’s developmental stages. Thankfully, the responses differ. Can you imagine if everyone had the same answer?  It would be like watching The Phantom of the Opera with every actor playing the phantom. When you embrace the uniqueness of who you are, you will uncover your life purpose to begin living your dream

1. You’ll be the expert on who you are.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had an owner’s manual that shows how YOU tick? Learning about yourself is usually a process of trial and error.  You can eliminate the errors by tuning in to how you behave and react in different situations. What triggers defensiveness in you? Can you diffuse irritation and avoid going ballistic?  Which activities fuel your enthusiasm? Knowing your behaviors, reactions, strengths, and weaknesses equips you to smoothly navigate work situations and social interactions.

2. Recognize that you already have a best friend for life—YOU.

A healthy self-relationship develops when you fully embrace yourself, warts and all.  In a deep relationship, a woman can sense and will gently touch her partner to calm him down during a heated discussion with someone.  A man will protectively put himself between his partner and a menacing stranger. When you are a friend to yourself, you won’t put yourself in situations which cause you anger, fear, or sadness. You acknowledge your weaknesses, but you also work at lessening or converting those weaknesses. Acceptance and effort earns self-respect. You’ll start to appreciate yourself.

3. You’ll treat yourself kindly.

You wear many hats in life. You hold a job, are a friend, a spouse, a parent, caregiver to aging parents, driver, confidant, volunteer, etc. Many people depend on you, but you cannot always deliver. Because you are your own BFF, you will be forgiving of our shortcomings. You’ll take mistakes as lessons for improvement and successes as validation of skills. Both will present opportunities for self-nurturing. Treating yourself to some quiet time alone or celebrating with a fun group will become second nature and guilt-free.  You know it is well-deserved.

4. You’ll stop living in fear of not being good enough.

Inferiority usually surfaces in comparison with peers.  Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson states that the concept of inferiority begins at school age in the classroom environment.  Peer pressure is strongest during adolescence due to the amount of time spent with large numbers of similarly-aged groups and the high importance adolescents place on their peers’ opinions. How does this information help you?  You can congratulate yourself for transitioning from that challenging time (and be extra kind to adolescents.) You can remind yourself that feelings of not being good enough are just that—feelings, not facts.  If you accept your weaknesses, you are less vulnerable to another person’s judgment.

5. A copycat, you’ll never be.

Toddlers imitate their parents and adolescents get influenced by their friends’ choice of colleges to attend. This is part of learning self-concept.  A female job intern will follow the dress style of the lady boss and a male apprentice will mimic the authoritative voice of his mentor. This is a natural part of adapting to the work culture. When you embrace who you really are, you have a stable self-concept. You are aware of your personality traits, how you look and sound, your values, beliefs, goals and skills. And you appreciate your individuality. Copy another person’s identity? That’s unlikely because you are comfortable being you.

6. You’ll get rid of “what ifs” and “maybes.”

What if I apply for a marketing job and get rejected?  What if I tell this girl I like her and she laughs at my face?  What if I start that small business and it goes bust? Maybe I should just settle for where I am now. Over-analyzing and worrying about negative results stems from self-doubt, which is the opposite of self-confidence.  A person with good self-esteem has a decent opinion of self and likes him/herself.  You know your skills, are guided by your values and beliefs; learn from mistakes, and proudly celebrate your successes. Self-knowledge and appreciation drive away self-doubt.

7. You’ll form deep and meaningful relationships

People get their cue from the way you behave and treat yourself.  If your behavior is consistent with your beliefs and values, they will recognize a person who is similar or different from them but who is clearly an individual, with his or her set of beliefs and values.  People will not misread your actions. You know what you deserve and are comfortable asking calmly for it.  You don’t let others impose their beliefs on you and you withhold judgment on their beliefs. When you embrace who you truly are, you will attract other authentic individuals who respect, value, and support you.

8. You’ll know and can focus on what truly moves you.

Life has a way of throwing questions to which your answers are pivotal. Self-knowledge is a powerful tool in your responses. A series of significant questions and authentic answers will reveal your dream and life purpose. When you embrace who you really are, your answers will ring true and clear, and lead you each step of the way. You’ll instinctively know the job you’ll thrive in, the causes you’ll best contribute to, the people you’ll connect deeply with, and what makes you feel truly alive.  Your decision-making will be simple, guided by two questions:  “Does this support who I really am?” and “Does this help me live my life purpose?”

9. “Things fall into place” for you.

“You create your reality with your intentions.”

—Gary Zukav

I’ve seen it happen. When you decide and affirm your intention, the opportunities show up inexplicably in the strangest of ways from the most unexpected sources to support that intention.

It works best when:

• your dream/purpose reflects the divine in you, helps others, and protects nature;
• you are clear about your dream and purpose;
• you make each life decision in support of your dream and purpose;
• you believe!

But first of all, you have to embrace who you really are.

There are so many qualities that make each of us unique. Some of these qualities are shown to the world and others we keep to ourselves, mostly out of fear. All of those guilty pleasures that we're ashamed of or those quirks in our personality we either keep hidden or only show to the people that we are close to are things that we really don't need to hide. But why do we? Why are our guilty pleasures things that we feel the need to be embarrassed about? If we all embraced all of our weird little quirks and guilty pleasures I think that we would all be so much happier.

Why should we be ashamed for things that make us feel good? Whether its music, movies, food or even video games we shouldn't feel embarrassed for things that help us enjoy life. It's these amazing interests of ours that separate us from one another and they can also help us learn more about one another. Don't feel ashamed if you're 20 years old and know every all the lyrics to every "High School Musical" song. Don't be embarrassed of your hood playlist or the fact that you're on expert level for "Guitar Hero" (or the fact that you still even play "Guitar Hero" to begin with).

For the most part you're not the only one. There are so many other people out there enjoying all of these same things and are probably just as embarrassed about them. If we embrace our quirks and weird the traits of our personality so many things could change. We all probably have more in common than we think but we're all too embarrassed to show who we truly are. In the end we are only hurting ourselves, and why would that be something that we would want to begin with?

Don't let your worries about what other people will think get in the way of you being yourself. I encourage you to stop being afraid or embarrassed about the things that you love. Instead, embrace them. Because once you do I promise you that you will be much happier.

As always, dear reader thanks for listening, and there will be more to come soon guaranteed.