The power of the positive no: the art of saying no without having to feel bad about it.

 

Hello again dear reader,

In a previous article, I briefly mentioned that saying no can be a positive rather than a negative. So today I thought we would expand, on that thought, and delve into, the art of using a positive no rather than a negative one. Saying “no”  Can be a rather difficult proposition for plenty of people. It can even  lead some people to have a severe stress reaction at the possibility of having to say no. Such as having a panic attack. So, hopefully dear reader, by the end of this article you will have a more profound understanding of how to turn a no from a negative into a positive.

Why Saying No is Hard

Have you ever found it difficult to say no to someone? Maybe you would rather not hurt their feelings, or you felt like you had to say yes to be nice. But saying yes to everything can be overwhelming and lead to stress. That's where the positive no comes in.

What is a Positive No?

A positive no, is a way to say no to someone while still being respectful and kind. Instead of starting with a negative, like “I do apologize, but I can't,” you start with a positive. You might say something like, “Thank you for asking me, but I have other commitments right now.” This way, you're not rejecting the person, you're just saying no to the request.

How to Give a Positive No

Giving a positive no, is easy. Here's how:

Start with warmth. Thank the person for asking and show appreciation for the request.

Tell the person what you're saying yes to right now. This could be a project at work, spending time with family, or something else that's important to you.

Give your no. Explain that you can't do the thing they asked because of your other commitments.

End with warmth. Wish the person well and offer support if you can.

Examples of a Positive No

Here's an example of a typical no:

“Thanks for asking me, but unfortunately, I won't be able to run the firm's softball team this spring. I've got plenty of projects at work that I'm working on, and I'm coaching my son's baseball team this spring. I just don't have the bandwidth for it. Sorry I couldn't help.”

 Here's an example of a positive no:

“Hey! Thanks for asking me to head up the firm's softball team. I've really enjoyed playing on it over the years. As you might know, I'm working with some big clients for the firm, and we're making some significant pushes that will allow us to hit our quarterly goals next month. I'm certainly enjoying the work, and I am spending time after office hours refining our pitches. I've also committed to coaching my son's baseball team this year. Not only that, but I'm truly excited about it since I love baseball, and it gives me the opportunity to hang out with my son. To do a good job on these projects at work and as a baseball coach, I unfortunately have to say no to other commitments, like heading up the firm's softball team. I wish you all the best with it!”

Why a Positive No Works

A positive no works because it proves that you're not rejecting the person, you're just saying no to the request. By starting with a positive, you're not putting the other person on the defensive. You're also showing that you have other priorities in your life that are important to you.

Remember, it's okay to say no sometimes. By using a positive no, you can say no while still being respectful and kind.

As always do a reader Thank you for the gift of your time, I hope you enjoy reading my blogs. If you do, please feel free to share them with whomever you deem worthy.